“Separated or divorced people need to find out who they are now before they can start looking for someone to date,” says Shepherd.
Forgive yourself and your ex, strengthen other relationships in your life, and then you‘ll be ready for the healthy, lasting and fulfilling relationship you desire.
This rule applies to getting back into dating as well as when you start dating someone new.
It can be tempting to jump into a relationship because it feels good, and perhaps because it makes you feel as though there was a reason for the divorce after all. There is no substitute for taking time to truly get to know someone.
For example, if you think dating is hard, and then it is hard (because you’re not truly ready to date), then you get to be right–which will ultimately lead you back into a cycle of isolation, self-pity and doubt.
The good news is that even if you’re not technically ready to jump back into the dating pool, it’s okay (and recommended) to practice getting your flirt on, noticing men (perhaps for the first time in a long while) and noticing them seeing you for the first time in a very long time. This experience in itself is a gentle and important first step toward healing and finding new love.