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However, if you like the creatures, like to care for them and be around them; and if it pleasures you to ride a pony amid the prettiest land over which God ever waved a wand; and if you don't care about hard work or long hours; and if you can say hang the expense—then keeping nags behind the woodshed makes sense. But, though poor-little-beauty-queen-meets-lonely-old-rich-guy might be ho-hum fare for Hollywood and Vine, finding two of the three triad participants in a remote Bob Marshall hunting camp is not exactly common. Even though there's not a whole bunch of innocence anywhere in this tale, we still have an obligation to substitute names.It was a classic perverted sort of love story, like those cranked out by the bushel in Tinseltown, U. Dawn was a beauty queen who was actually on her way to the Miss America pageant representing her home state.To tell you the truth, using horses in the big lonesome is not everything it's cracked up to be.If you're not committed—if you're keeping animals you don't like and don't care about in order to take that once in a lifetime wilderness trip, why sell 'em and use the money to go with someone who knows the ropes.Then they must grain and brush and saddle and pack and trail out a bunch of rangy, half-broke, four-year-old packages of dynamite, nurse them through shintangle that would balk an elephant, and somehow guide them for twelve hours along a trail infested by—in the ponies' eyes—rock bears, tree bears, and brush bears.

" “Actually, knowing about his short fuse, that was the last thing I wanted to do," he said. ” Ken told me the house was rambling ranch-style and the suitor could look through the living room and dining room, into the kitchen where Bob sat with his back turned, reading a newspaper. Here I am, fifty-three years old, coming to date my best friend’s daughter, for God's sake. " Dawn's mother took Ken's coat, then disappeared up the stairs, ostensibly to hurry her daughter. He hesitantly shuffled into the kitchen, preparing for the worst. Wisely this man with no talent for diplomacy slants his appeal to the young, assuring a consistent cadre of support into perpetuity. Without mail delivery to the North Pole, we could probably return to the 3-cent stamp. It all began while recently passing through a shopping mall on my way to an ice cream stand. If experts put their faith in spray, why shouldn't we? " We'd lived in Montana but a few years when my favorite aunt visited. "There are lots of places in Montana where we can't take vehicles. But it seems like every home in Montana has a horse behind it.What's worse is the line I thought led to the ice cream counter, wound to the knee of a union-suited, white-haired and long bearded fat old guy who exhibited a cheer he could in no way realistically possess. Today's Montana has their own generous share of breeding farms and ranches specializing in blooded stock of all breeds.I know this because all his exuded charm disappeared like a July snowbank when I reached the head of the line and took my place. There are show horses and performance horses, racing horses and rodeo horses.Here are ten important tips for ye poor abused and downtrodden masses who've heretofore failed all efforts at domestic bliss. That means no Saturday football, no Sunday football, no Monday night football. This single tip has been the most thoroughly researched of all. The tips I'm passing along have been developed over decades of involved and, yes, dangerous research, tested amid the terrors of household hostilities. What you want is a corsage that can, if chosen wisely, wash away a lot of previous sins. Experiment with something besides dried teaselweeds from the back forty. Limit your couch activities to polite visits with your partner's doily club. Do not stop at the Happy Hour Saloon, or Dunkin' Donuts. For vacation purposes: fight shy of California's nude beaches, rent no Sky Boxes at Las Vegas's newest Adult Entertainment nightclubs, and don't get caught looking at catalog lingerie. If the previous nine tips failed to turn the trick toward domestic bliss, simply tell her you love her.

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Consider that the horseman is out at three in the morning running ponies in from a forty-acre pasture in order to load them into a dilapidated trailer hitched to an underpowered pickup to pull for five hours in low gear through a boulder-strewn pass.

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